Unconventional Happiness

  

This particular exchange strikes a chord with me because I’ve always been the type of person who likes to help others. As I’m learning, this is not always productive. On the surface lending a helping hand is a good thing to do. We all should do it more. Where it gets tricky is when we extend our hand more than we should. Some folks see this helping hand as some form of assistance, while others may see it as merely something to slap away.

To elaborate on this further, let’s look the whole idea of misery. It took me years to learn that being miserable and being unhappy are not the same. For some, misery is the most comfortable and preferred state of being. It’s a very deliberate emotional and spiritual choice that many make. One that does not necessarily make one sad.

One of the reasons that I’m such a glass-is-half-full kind of guy is that I don't like being angry and filled with angst. Most of all, I don’t like feeling like a helpless victim. It really makes me uncomfortable. So, I do everything in my power not to stay in this negative space for very long. Consequently, if someone offers me advice, I tend not to dismiss it. One, I'm grateful that they care enough to try and make me feel better. Secondly, I’m more likely already thinking along those lines anyway. These word-comforters are most likely reinforcing what I’m already thinking.

This is very different from those who reject any positive offerings from caring friends and family, always countering with something negative. Those who get lured into this world of negativity can feel it’s their fault that their friend or family member feels bad. Why? Because in their mind, they failed to offer good advice. Here's the kicker: for some, there is no good advice. There is nothing that can be said or done that would make them see things differently. Because this is the state they want to be in. This is their preferred state of being.

A wise musician once told me that most people have the potential to be everything that they are. I now understand it. Not everyone has the same measurement of happiness. Some prefer having the heads hung low, some would not settle for anything less than the sky.

I know my assessment of how people feel and internalize things is simplistic. However, there's no denying that it comes down to a choice. Choices we make each and every day. And consequently, have to live with.

So back to the above exchange between the teacher and the student. This teacher is correct. Just because we, ourselves would feel a certain way in certain situations, it is not the default response for all. The student was incorrect is assuming that his friend’s constant worrying only brought him unhappiness. The reality is this: For some, they would not have it any other way. There are those who prefer the smiles upside down.